Gloom
I feel gloomy these days. Many times I am thinking about withdrawing everything and then traveling around like a beggar. Not a beggar actually, maybe a monk who walked a long way to Tibet on foot to find his spirit from god. I think I’ve lost myself when I lost my good mood. I am deeply depressed by every thing I’ve got from life. When I talk, I can’t hear what I’m saying; when I look ,I cant realize what I’m seeing ;when I eat, I can’t distinguish what I’m chewing; even when I sleep, don’t know whether I’m dreaming or not.
Sometimes, I look at myself in the mirror strangely, like I’ve never knew the person in the mirror. May be I don’t know myself totally. I want to be the person I want, but the problem is I don’t know who I really want to be.
I walk out, the spring has been awaked, she brought many gleaming colors to decorate this world. but I hate the vivid color of the coats on girls and the warm but merciless sunshine. It doesn’t leave me even only a square meter for me to hide my sadness. So I have to put a gloomy mark on my face and give everybody a gloomy appearance when I walk in the crowd. I must be forgotten by this season because she doesn’t think even once about leaving me a veil for me to protect my left dignity. I’m like a deer in hunters’ ambush, has no way to go out but wait for judgment.
Being gloomy, I stay on line every night I can’t fall asleep reading one endless novel, it is only endless for me. Each time I open it, I don’t where to start my reading, so I start at the beginning. I want to cheer up myself by watching some comedy movie, but every time after I hear my laughter, I have a feeling of wanting to cry.
I want to cry, but my eyes refuse to give me some drops of tears. It’s a real pity for a person who wants to cry but can’t cry out. In this world, someone has too much while some has nothing. It will be never equal for everybody. I’m the person who has nothing but wants too much.
I want everything but at last I lost my right to cry. The god does a good job only when he wants to punish somebody. May be I got punished for I wanted too much which were not belongs to me while I didn’t cherish what I had. Life always uses her way to give us lessons.
Greed is the root of all the gloom of human being. So it’s natural for a man to be greed and also natural for a greed man to be gloomy. No one can be saint, but if you can’t keep a good mood some time, there must be something being wanted in the deep of you heart. If you want to end the feeling of gloomy, I think you have to know what you really want and make effort to get it. But don’t care the result, the process is the medicine caring your illness.
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