Not all people are aware of the burden put on a man who is disable; who has eight miserable, hungry, dirty kids; who has a wife who is constantly sick with something; who has to depend on welfare checks and food stamps to make ends meet; and who has no chance of getting a job---any job. I can understand how the stress from so many problems could be over-bearing, how the pressure could lead to regret, frustration, and anger.
Father, I do not envy your life. I really admired you for trying so hard because I knew not many people realize the pain of a responsible man who never enjoys the success of his efforts, wants, and hope; who never enjoys the budget balanced, the cabinets full, the car nice and new, the closet filled with decent clothes, the house clean and respectable, the wife loving and healthy, the kids safe and warm.
Father, you know the burden and pain of being a frustrated responsible man. I know the burden and pain of being your child. I tried to see your hopes for an easier life with cigarette you smoked, every beer you drank, and every word you yelled by attributing it to stress. Although it was hard, I tried to see your love for me with every slap, kick, and scream.
Father, you didn’t realize how fragile us kids really were, how dependent on your support of our behavior, how needy we were of your unconditional touch and approval, how innocent and gentle we really were, and how directly our growth reflects your treatments of us.
As a child, I remember hating myself for making you mad. I truly believed that a spanking with a belt, or being put in a linen closet for several days, or telling my teachers that my bruises were caused by my clumsiness was just punishment for being an inconsiderate, guilty child. I remember seeing other children in school who were always happy and full of spirit. I remember praying to God for that spirit too, but I never really could. I also remember trying to save the doomed, fragile spirit of my brothers and sisters. Now that time has passed. Physically we have all grown, but emotionally we are still young kids, waiting for your gentle hug, soft words, and warm touch. Now as an adult, with help from therapy, I realize that we were not guilty children.
If you are like my father—that is, if you have such great difficulties dealing with stress that you abuse your children-----I ask that you seek counseling. When you find yourself in a situation where the stress and frustration becomes overwhelming to a point that the safety of any child is threatened, please seek outside intervention. This solution is not difficult. Between grandparents, aunts, and uncles, in-laws, neighbours, and friends, or even day care centers, you can find the person to care for the child while you seek peace. Many areas even offer an emergency day care program which is set up for this specific problem at no cost to you.
